I was supposed to be here today with happy news. The happiest type: a celebration of a life 12 weeks in the making. "We will sit next to you," Lily whispered into my belly with a smile. Ben and I laughed as we talked about names and imagined just what this new chapter in our family would look like. Everyone agreed Hugo would be thrilled with another baby around to keep him company. And we all smiled about another blessing in this family of ours.
But sadly that's not why I'm hear today. There was some spotting and cramping, and then a midwife appointment where we couldn't find the heartbeat we had so hoped to hear. Any mother, any family, really, who has experienced such a loss knows the deep sorrow.
We are surrounded by a million blessings. Abundant life, the love and support of family and friends, and a beautiful autumn day outside my window. God has loved this baby from the very moment of her creation and holds her closer than ever. With every passing day our eyes our opened more and more to the beauty and joy all around us. We can breathe and smile and our grief is no longer crippling. But even in the midst of all of this, we are just feeling sad. And that is okay.