Thursday, November 11, 2010

Things Fall Apart

A brief story:

I am at the doctor's with Lily. My doctor's appointment, not hers, but of course she doesn't care. She's terrified, the poor girl, convinced she's going to get a shot, or an exam, or some other unpleasantry. I play with her. We buy a snack. Two sweet ladies give her a lollipop, but nope. This is not her morning. She burrows her face in my chest and cries, trying to take deep breaths between her sobs.

An hour later, we are still waiting. Crying baby aside, I need to leave in a few minutes to pick up my other little love from preschool. I had been assured that I would be seen before noon, but that time is rapidly approaching. I tentatively approach the receptionist. I ask a question. Gently. She rebukes me. Harshly. And you know that expression, "And then the damn broke?" Well, it happened.

Picture this. Me and Lily, standing in front of the receptionist crying. Both of us. I honestly don't know who was crying harder (although that Lily does have a set of lungs). Two sweet nurses approach us, usher us into a room. They give each other a look like, "Oh Lord, what have we gotten ourselves into," but then they make sure we are taken care of. Another lollipop. Some stickers. Are they for her or me? I try every trick in the book to pull it back together. I think of funny stories. Say a prayer. Take deep breaths. But somehow a river of tears has sprung forth from my eyes and is not going to be stopped easily.

There are moments that I feel like I have it all together. It's a nice feeling: warm children, full husband, clean house. Sometimes I am tempted to even declare, "I am okay! I have it together!" Well, let's just say that this morning was not such a moment.

But somehow, it is strangely comforting to know that sometimes, things will fall apart. There will be difficult moments, days, periods. Such is life. But grace and love pull us through, and even then, in those difficult moments, we are okay. God is with us then, too. Maybe even especially? And at the end of a morning that could only be described as dismal, I can come home to a great big hug and a family that loves me. And that is enough to dry my eyes and put a smile on my face.

(Above: two sets of Lilies. I couldn't resist!)


Jeanne said...

I am so sorry you had such a rough morning, but please always know you can call me to get Z anytime. I was in the shower when Ben called and thank goodness Adam was home to answer. Next time, just call at the first sign of a delay -- of course, hopefully there won't BE a next time like today :-)

Adele said...

Thank you, Jeanne! We really appreciate it.

Anna said...

Oh, friend. We've all been there. I'm so sorry. But yes, God is there and He is good. Thank heavens for that!

(ps-I noticed your two lilies right away!)

Adele said...

Amen to that, Anna. It makes everything so much more bearable!

eKay said...

Those moments can be brutal, has I have experienced lately. Trying to fight it back, regain control, because if you let it all out, who knows when the tears will stop. As much as we don't want anyone we love to go through moments like this, i find comfort in the knowledge that we all have them. So just know that I am in solidarity with you in your "sticky" moments. Adele you are so right, and always so good at remembering that God is there at every moment, She wraps her arms around you and your little ones, just as Ben does when you get home. Thank you for reminding me to be aware of that loving presence