This pregnancy seems to be different than my last pregnancy in one major way: I have been tired. Foot-draging, half-asleep sort of tired where it sometimes takes every ounce of my will power to do things that would normally be a breeze like take Selma for a walk or run errands. I'm a mellow person to start out with, so I feel like layering this intense tiredness on top of my personality is not necessarily a good thing. My sister Irene recounted a recurring nightmare in which she "wakes up," to find that she can't talk or move and is essentially frozen in her bed, only to "wake up again," over and over again. I honestly think that my reaction to this scenario would just be sort of saying, "Oh well. I guess I'll just stay here for a while." It's that sort of tired.
Of course, as I look at the millions of ways that my life is different now than my Zosia pregnancy, it seems obvious why I might be tired. The first is that I can't sleep endlessly, which is essentially what I did with Zosia. Ben reminded me that I used to go to bed at 9, sleep until 10 in the morning, and then take a two hour afternoon nap... ah, those were the days. These days I defintiely get a normal amount of sleep for an adult, but I don't have much wiggle room to get extra, and I seem to be feeling that a lot these days. And I spend my days very actively with a toddler running around the house which would make anyone tired by the end of the day.
But today I figured out one more piece of the puzzle. My friend Michelle gave me a gift membership to her gym for the month, so we went together this morning (they even have a nursery that Zosia was amazingly happy to be left at-- this is a first). We just ran on the ellipticals for an hour, but by the end of it, I felt totally energized, and it lasted for the whole rest of the day. Exercise! That's what's been missing. I'm relieved to feel like I actually have some agency in this whole thing and hoping that this is more than a one time fluke.